The Journal (VINYL ONLY)

from by Ben Lear

  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Limited Edition double vinyl with gate-fold jacket. Plus, the two B-Sides are on the actual vinyl! Vinyl is the only format that has these tracks.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Lillian: A Folk Opera via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 5 days
    edition of 500 

      $20 USD



My mother kept a journal
Within arm’s reach of her bed.
Every night she’d write down
Things that I said.

They’re the things a child whispers
When he can’t quite find his sound.
They’re the things that no one
Else could have found.

They’re the words that keep us safe on the ground.

Last spring I saw my mother
For the first time in a year.
And her eyes were glazed with something to fear.

By the palisades we gathered
And tossed her ashes to the sea.
I threw up behind the sycamore tree.
By my door her journal waited for me.

By mistake I somehow threw it away.

I wanna scream, mom, you know I didn’t mean what I said.
I'm sorry that I pushed you away.

What I would do to have one more day with you but I threw
Your journal to the garbage patch.

I’m afraid I’m losing memories
Down a current in my spine
They deposit somewhere no one can find.

The machine is out of order,
It’s awaiting full repair.
I inspect my brain in search of a tear.
But I touch its walls and find nothing there.

Could it be you’re somewhere still inside me.

I wanna scream, mom, you know I didn’t mean what I said.

I'm sorry that I pushed you away.

What I would do have one more day with you but I Threw your journal to the garbage patch.

Lillian, stay right where you are and I will meet you there.
I think I know how.


from Lillian: A Folk Opera, released June 14, 2011



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Ben Lear Los Angeles, California

BEN LEAR is a Brooklyn based composer and songwriter. His debut album, Lillian, "an edgy, experimental folk opera blending acoustic guitar songs with percussive chamber and orchestral music" (Los Angeles Times), was released in June of last year.

His live show, which often contains orchestra and light sculptures, has been called "an epic blend of Arcade Fire, Feist and a Muppet show" (The Awl).
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